On the Internet, there is a ton of discussion and debate on how to make a long distance relationship work. And while there are many habits and cute activities to strengthen your relationship, these things are only the basic rituals to help you cope with the situation.
My boyfriend and I have a super solid relationship, even though we only Skype twice a week, because we’re faithful and pretty independent. The Internet’s got a lot of cute and fun ideas that a couple can do together over the distance. Try ’em out. A vital part about an LDR, like all relationships, is to simply look out for your happiness and your own mental state.
Exercise, spending time with friends, committing to your work or hobbies are greats ideas! Great diversions! I do all but one of those. However, when you cannot divert from your desire to be with your partner you need to displace your feelings. You could call them up, but maybe it’s 5 in the morning for them. Just as you have to resign yourself to Skyping rather than actually seeing them, you have to still enjoy the thought of your partner when you can’t contact them at all. Here’s what I mean by displacing your natural urges for sex, romance, and companionship.
1. Day dream and fantasize. My friend asked me what is the first thing I will do when I get back to the States. I play that moment out in my head everyday. I think about going past security with my two bags and seeing him. We’d slowly meet each other at a staggered pace and I’d look up and say “You waited. I always knew you’d wait.”
Whatever realistic or surreal imagery works for you, daydreaming is about coping with the time you have and enjoying yourself. You’re not going to be disappointed if when the real moment comes it’s not so picturesque.
In fact, this interview with a relationship therapist on The Huffington Post says that people in LDRs are able to have a more ideal image of their partner than maybe those living in the same city(or some small apartment).
Before I took the time for daydreaming or other similar daily meditations( picturing my boyfriend and I drinking, having sex or getting Indian buffet), I’d just be kind of upset and obsess over the countdown calendar I have on my phone. Your enemy in a LDR is time, and dreaming, while sleeping or awake, zaps time and gives you the uncanny impression of everything actually happening.
2. Live vicariously through your friends. Revel in their juicy stories. Or get drunk and bitch at them for having no game. That helps me displace my frustration and I assume it doesn’t totally wreck their egos…uhhmmm.
3. Enjoy romantic movies and literature. If you can turn around from being disgusted at couples on the street to gently sighing as you see them you are in the best position to not hate your LDR life. I showed my students Slumdog Millionaire, a great story of a long lost love reuniting. It broke me down and built me up. I cried and gushed from the beautiful longing nature of this film. Enjoy romance when you see it in art or on the street. Let your heart long for and appreciate this images, don’t be depressed, disgusted or jealous.
5. Hone your (at times tragic) romantic side. Tying together 1 and 3 really. Love is a mutual commitment and understanding, but it’s maddening effect is based on your own individual experience of it. Love is a spiritual and emotional experience within the individual and you will continue to yield to those sensations even by yourself if you really love someone. Own it. Be the hopeless romantic with an end in sight.
Love inspires us and changes us,but over time it gives us too much comfort and can impede our creativity. Take this um uncomfortable time to be creative.
Parallel Likes 